Tuesday, March 31, 2009

How to encourage our kids to do more physical education

You know how we all whinge about the youth of today and that their fitness levels are diabolical? Well, if they all had PE teachers like Natasha Gray, I am sure none of the boys would forget their PE kit or forge letters from their mother. Unfortunately, Natasha, head of Physical Education is in trouble for posing on the internet in photos that are, in my humble opinion quite tasteful and non-contoversial.

Ben Slade, headteacher of Manor Community College, said the pictures of Natasha should not have been published. "They were completely inappropriate for somebody who is a teacher," he said. "They were absolutely not pornographic but do you want to see your teacher in that way? Probably not."

Actually Mr Slade, probably Yes if any of my teachers had looked like that. Why do we have so many killjoys around? With so many bad things happening in the world, does the fact that a pretty teacher has had her photo on the internet wearing only underwear really matter? No, I don't think it does.

Monday, March 30, 2009

How to Drive Your Baby Mad

Every now and then our brilliant scientists come up with a new theory to tell us all that we have got it wrong and if we carry on doing what we have done for centuries, we are all going to die.

The latest one is good, Scientists now claim that being pushed around in a buggy makes toddlers go mad.

I suppose that explains me then!!! So exactly how are we meant to get said toddler from A to B??


Adults are always criticising children and youths on their (mis)use of the English language so why do we go ahead and add 'meh' to the English language. It is taken to mean "an interjection expressing indifference or boredom".

Talk about encouragement!!

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Obama Visits the UK

Obama is coming to the UK next week en route to the G20 summit and will visit our Queen. Now I know that he is quite an important bloke but come on, I think he is taking the pi** a bit with the amount of groupies and equipment he is bringing over with him:

500 back up staff

Armoured car
20 planes
Armoured ambulance
200 secret service personnel
White House chefs
Full surgical team
His own food, water and petrol

Even his Missus gets her own 8 strong team including a press officer (ffs!!!)

How much is this costing the bankrupt US of A? £200 million, thats how much. More than the average Yankie tax payer wants to fork out I imagine. What's wrong with a First Class return ticket for him and his missus on Virgin Atlantic? Would save the country a few quid!!

Shadow Home Secretary de-frauds the tax payer again - and gets away with it again!!

Both the theft and fraud acts are quite specific and neither have a clause saying that when you are caught de-frauding people, you can just say 'sorry, I will pay now'. However, if you are an MP in the UK, spending the tax payers money (of which I am a reluctant payer), then when you are caught committing this serious criminal offence, you can just say sorry, pay the money back and no more is said.

In my line of work all employees submit their own expense claims. Not all are checked but a certain percentage are. If you are caught de-frauding then you are dealt with as a criminal. If you are caught making a mistake, like Jacqui Smith, Shadow Home Secretary, then you still have an administrative sanction taken against you - sort of, don't be so stupid next time but we will put it on your record so when you do it again you can really be punished.

So, the Home Secretary Jacqui Smith, recently caught out fiddling £1000s in claims for a second home owned by her sister has done it again. This time she claimed for a TV package, include pay per view porn. Obviously she is not allowed to do this and when she was caught she immediately said sorry and paid the money back. Imagine how empty the courts would be if every thief could just say sorry when they were caught and pay back what they have stolen?

This, as usual stinks of one rule for the unter-mensch and another for our politicians.


This is one of the top stories in News of the World (29th March) and it perfectly shows the difference between civilian boys and military men.

Layla Hornbuckle, 22 recently found out that the military appreciate any form of body enhancements. “I’d always been self-conscious about my 36AA breasts. My boyfriend Matt*, 24, insisted I was sexy as I was, but I didn’t believe him so I secretly went to see a surgeon and he said I could have my boobs boosted to a D cup for £3,850. I booked the op and applied for a bank loan to pay for it.

The day before her surgery, Layla was so overwhelmed with guilt, she rang Matt and explained what she was doing. Matt (now known as 'Matt the Prat amongst friends) immediately dumped Layla despite their two year relationship.

Layla recalls, 'On the day, I was really nervous as Mum drove me to the clinic and I wished Matt was with me. The operation took over an hour – when I came round, my boobs were huge!

About a year ago I met Lloyd Dyke, 21, a Royal Marine, in a bar. We clicked, and started dating – when I told him I’d had a boob job, he just laughed and said they looked great!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Canadians really respect animals you know

In just two days Canadian hunters have beaten 17,000 baby seals to death. Their target for this years cull is about 350,000 and this doesn't count the many thousands that are shot in the water and never recovered and the ones that fall off the ice terrified and drown. The nice hunters are kind enough to leave the skinned carcasses lying in the snow so their parents can find them.

Did you know that about a third of all seal pelts are imported through the UK?

Chavs have a go at our brave Army Cadets

We've seen it all in haven't we, soldiers being accused of being baby murderers, rapists, returning units being harassed by British citizens for their actions in Iraq and now, 15 year old Army Cadet girls in uniform being attacked by scummy chavs just because they wear the British Army uniform.

Police are now hunting a chavette who tried to headbutt a 15-year-old girl, tugged at her uniform and accused her of killing her uncle. And a man shouted at a group of cadets and threatened to "get" them for wearing their army clothing.

The girl, who is too scared to be named, was walking to the West Bromwich Army Cadets training session at the Territorial Army building in Carters Green on Monday. As she arrived in her uniform, boots and beret she met around half a dozen of her friends to walk into the centre. A woman then approached the group and started to shout abuse. The girl's mother said: "A woman in her 30s grabbed her arm, tried to headbutt her twice and said she had killed her uncle. She tried to rip the uniform off her."

The mother said: "I don't understand why these people are doing this. All she wants to do is something positive in her spare time."

The chav woman and man were both white.  What do you think of the idea of maybe 1 PARA popping down there in their uniform and seeing how the chavs and chavettes react?  I don't suppose they would be quite so brave.

Are Americans Really that Dense???

Have you ever tried to order a simple drink in the stupid country they call the US of A? It's not easy you know. For example:

Question : What would you like to have...? Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino, or Coffee?
Answer : Tea please
Question : Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, iced tea or green tea?
Answer : Ceylon tea
Question : How would you like it? Black or white?
Answer : white
Question : Milk, or fresh cream?
Answer : With milk
Question : Goat's milk, or cow's milk
Answer : With cow's milk please.
Question : Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer : Um, I'll just take it black.
Question : Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer : With sugar
Question : Beet sugar or cane sugar?
Answer : Cane sugar
Question : White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer : Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.
Question : Mineral water, tap water or distilled water?
Answer : Mineral water
: Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer : I think I'll just die of thirst.

Friday, March 27, 2009

This is what the Mirror classed as 'Top News' on 27th March

Forget the credit crunch, forget terrorist plots to overthrow world order, forget serious crime, forget climate change, the Mirror managed to find the story to beat them all.

With the depressing news that we see every day online, on the TV, in the newspapers and when listening to the radio, it is sometimes funny how we lose our prospective on what such a quality tabloid would class as 'Top News'. Well today they reminded us.

I quote: 'Walking into her boyfriend’s hospital room Jo Ventham must have raised some eyebrows. Smothered in strong-smelling fake tan and perfume she didn’t seem like the usual worried loved-one.'

However, just like any other visitor all she wanted was for Tom to wake up from the coma he’d been in for nine days. And she was desperately hoping her fake tan would help. “Tom had always moaned about the smell of it,” explains Jo. “And I knew that if he could smell anything at all he’d pick up on that and know I was there.”

And sure enough, three days after embarking on her new strategy, Tom finally began to stir.

Now far be it from me to question this chav's logic, maybe, just maybe the lad was going to wake up anyway after three days in a coma and her fake tan had absolutely nothing to do with his miraculous recovery.

Having said that, have you seen the bloke's photo, I mean what sort of mullet is that he is sporting? It is something like a cross between a 70s Noddy Holder and a 90s German. It should be banned, especially from publication in the National press where children may see it.

Doctors claim to be able to 'de-gay' people

There is no evidence whatsoever that medical science can change a gay person (male or female) to be straight again. Despite this, over 4% of psychiatrists admit to treating gays for their affliction.

Professor Michael King, from University College London, who worked on the study, said: "There is very little evidence to show that attempting to treat a person's homosexual feelings is effective and, in fact, it can actually be harmful. So it is surprising that a significant minority of practitioners still offer this help to their clients."

Why waste the time of these medical 'professionals'? We all know that the way to straighten out a lesbian is to introduce her to a male British soldier (who are all irresistable to females) and the way to straighten out a 'man' is to teach him to drink copious amounts of real ale, smoke like a trooper, speak with a deeper, more manly voice and to support Liverpool Football Club.

50 year old divorcee to adopt African kid (again)

A 50 year old divorcee who is already a single mother is applying to adopt yet another African kid and whisk him away from his family and culture to the USA. The woman, who hasn't even got a surname goes by the name 'Mad'onna is being accused of skirting local Malawi laws whereby foreigners cannot adopt kids. It just so happens that the woman, who used to be famous is spending multi-million dollars in the country on a school for girls.
It appears that to adopt a foreign kid is a newish fad in the states with has been and soon to be has been stars, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have done it as well. Apparently it makes them look like they are real people with hearts. It is nice to see that there is equality in the world.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Another Die-Hard Racist Exposed Live on Air

Sir David Jason, the star of, amongst other hit shows, Only Fools and Horses (the infamous Del-Boy) is the latest in the line of stars in trouble for saying really bad things on the radio. Apparently at 7.10am last Tuesday, whilst being interviewed live on the Christian O'Connell show, the 69 year old star said the following joke:

'What do you call a Pakistani cloak room attendant?'

'Me hat me coat'!!!

Personally I love David Jason, he is a really funny bloke and everything I have ever read about him points to him being a nice fella, I am sure he wasn't trying to offend anyone. In fact the show has not even received any complaints yet (probably because at 7.10am all the Pakistanis in the UK are still asleep as their take-aways don't close until about 1am) but still the BBC feel the need to issue public apologies.

A spokeswoman for the station said: "The comments made by David Jason were unacceptable and Christian O'Connell distanced himself from them live on air. We consider the views of our listeners to be very important and have received no complaints about these comments. We will continue to monitor any complaints and Christian O'Connell will issue an on-air apology in tomorrow's breakfast show."


Adverts on this Blog

I have just noticed that the adverts on this blog include, amongst others, one for gay men, one for a Catholic School and one for children's clothing.

Why? I am not gay, I don't hang around Catholic schools nor have I worn small clothes for quite a few years now and as far as I know most of my friends fall into the same catagory as myself.

I think AdSense need to re-look at their marketing procedures

Has the Government Killed the British Pub?

If you cast your mind back to the dark ages of your past (if you are old enough that is) you may remember the good old British Pub. You know, it used to be the place where you drank with your mates Sunday to Thursday and where you partook in general conversations with people of the opposite sex each weekend.

Pubs were there for the working class of Britain to go to in order to chill out, meet their mates, avoid the wife (or in some cases husbands) smoke a few tabs and sink a few beers. They had great names like 'The Prince William of Orange, The Nags Head, The Kings Head, etc'.

These pubs were always busy, always smoke filled and usually had their fair share of drunks holding up the bar talking rubbish to you whenever you went to get in another round. The decor wasn't up to much, they used to have jukeboxes with 7" singles playing music at least 18 months out of date, the carpets were quite often sticky and the food, if indeed they sold it was either sausage, chips and beans, pie chips and beans or, if you were in a posh place, quiche, chips and beans, all choices £1.99 each.

Where do we have now in order to go out and sink a few pints? Well we have 'wine bars', these are places that you go for a quiet drink with off duty bank clerks and 30/40 something divorcees. There will be a handful of MX5s and maybe a few old VW Golf GTis parked outside and of course, the obligatory convertible Beetle or two. Music? Well there may be some but trust me you will neither know or like it. Do they sell food? Of course they do, usually 'foreign' dishes served in helpings that wouldn't satisfy the average hamster and at a price of £9.99 per main course. Do they sell beer? No, well, yes they do, small bottles of German beer, you will not see draught beer anywhere and if you ask for it, the 'waiter' will just laugh at your ignorance.

There are also the 'fun' or 'sports' bars that arrived on the scene during the 80s and 90s. These are places that you can go and either pretend to be in Ireland (the inevitable Irish Bar) or sit and watch football/cricket/rugby/whatever bone sport happens to be on TV at that time. At least most sell proper beer and in some cases edible food that you can eat whilst surrounded by the stag/hen parties in full swing thinking everyone in the pub is just there to see some fat chick in a veil act like a total slapper or some sad looking, skinny bloke who is trying to get drunk and forget said slapper..

So where are the 'proper' pubs? You know, the ones full of little old men in flat caps drinking their stout and bitter smoking 5 tabs an hour? Well unfortunately, the Liarbour Government has made sure that we have nowhere else like this to drink anymore. The government decided it was not healthy for these old men to smoke anymore so banned smoking from all licensed premises so everyone stays at home now. What has replaced them? The Gastro-Pub thats what. A Gastro-Pub looks just like a real pub from the outside and once upon a time it would have been a real pub, full of happy, content and relaxed people. Nowadays it is a restaurant (complete with kids play room) where you can go and eat plastic tasting food for about £7.99 - £12.99 a course. By 9pm, the diners and their screaming kids have gone home and the places are deserted. At any time of the day or night, 7 days a week, 356 days a year, despite the weather and tempreture you can walk past any pub in the UK nowadays and you will find little old men and women shivering on the verge of pneumonia just so they can enjoy a cigarette with their beer.
So where can you go and find a proper 'British pub' nowadays? Well Cyprus still has them, you can drink English beer served by English bar staff and smoke your English tabs at the bar. Germany has a lot of British theme pubs and in most you can still smoke. Belgium has some good British bars where you can still smoke. There are many other countries that still allow freedom of choice and their bars are still thronging with people enjoying themselves. So, if you want to experience a good old traditional British pub, go abroad. Sad I know but true.
You voted for Liarbour so you only have yourselves to blame!!!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

How much do you trust your Satnav

I think we can all agree that the invention of the Satnav has been a bonus for everyone who owns one. However, there is always the idiot factor that no-one can plan for. In the news today, a driver has blamed his sat nav for leaving his car teetering on the edge of a 100 ft cliff after he followed its instructions. Robert Jones (a professional driver by trade) said he trusted his navigational system and continued to follow it when it told him the steep, narrow footpath he was driving on was a road. Luckily there was a wire fence at the top of the cliff or the idiot would have driven right over it.

Mr Jones, from Doncaster, South Yorkshire, now faces court action for driving without due care and attention but luckily, no charges for being a complete idiot.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Ryanair Charging to Take the Pi**

Ryanair boss Michael O'Leary has recently defended his decision to charge £1 for people on his flights each time they used the toilet. O'Leary said it would lead to less passenger inconvenience on board.

Silly me, here was I thinking that the robbing git was just after making more money!! Luckily, to date, Boeing has not been able to make a toilet door for their planes that will accept money.

Dot Cotton nominated for a BAFTA

I have noticed a steep decline in the quality of British films and television over the past few years and, with the exception of 'The Sex Lives of the Potato Men' and 'Life on Mars', I don't think I could name many half decent British films or TV shows.

Although I knew the industry had gone down hill, I never realised that it had reached the depths it obviously has until I read today that Dot Cotton (real name June Brown), that whingy old bat from Eastenders had been nominated for the 'Best Actress' award in this years BAFTAs.
Who exactly nominates people for these awards? Blind, half wit, tastless idiots? Personally I would have gone for the lovely Kate Beckinsdale or maybe the sexy Rachel Weisz or even Keira Knightly. At least none of them give you nightmares!!!

So lets see, what they are saying is that they think she is the best actress to appear in ANY film or TV show during the past 12 months. Well all I can say is that if its true, we should all sell our 46" plasma TVs and buy radios.

Poor Bindi was breakfast for a snake

You know how some stories just make you chuckle. Well, despite poor Bindi's harrowing end in life, I just had to laugh at this one.
Patty Buntine became worried when her Maltese terrier-cross Bindi failed to show up for breakfast at her home in Australia's Northern Territory. "She was always there so I got worried and went to look for her," she said. "I went around the side of the house and that's when I found the snake. It couldn't move and had its head up in a striking position.

"It's belly was bulging - it looked like a great big coconut was inside it. I knew straight away that it had ate Bindi. "I felt terrible - it's not very nice at all to think my little dog went that way." She told the Northern Territory News that three-year-old Bindi was a lively and agile dog - and was shocked the reptile managed to strike her.

"She was a little smarty pants and would race away if she knew you were going to bath her or take her to the vet or something," she added.
"She was always darting all over the place. I don't know how she didn't realise this thing was creeping up on her."
All I can say is that maybe little Bindi was not quite so agile or such a smarty pants as her owner believed.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Beware!!! Naked boys and poodles

Here was a real test for the Michigan Police Service............

Police say a naked 14-year-old boy taking a walk with a large white poodle has assaulted a woman in Michigan. Sheriff’s Lt. Craig Mast says the boy walked away from a behavioral treatment facility Monday. He was strolling unclothed in Hart Township with the dog when he encountered a 53-year-old woman in her yard.

Mast says, “The young naked man approached her with this poodle, and she immediately realized something peculiar.”
I wonder what she found peculiar??? Apparently the lad was later found and charged with robbery and assault!!

No way............ is Will Young really gay??

We all know that in the world we live in nowadays we have to be very careful with what we say incase we offend the 'light footed' factions of our society but the latest 'goof' on BBC Radio takes the biscuit.
BBC Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles has recently been criticised by the broadcasting watchdog for an item in his show in which he mocked singer Will Young in a high-pitched, effeminate voice. Ofcom said listeners could reasonably have thought the piece was "promoting and condoning certain negative stereotypes based on sexual orientation" as Young is gay.
1. Young has a high pitched voice
2. He is gay
So, erm, where is this complaint leading? Do we all have to ignore effeminacy in limp wristed people and pretend that their girly high pitched voices are really quite deep and manly?
Ofcom need to 'man up' and accept that normal people like making fun of men who love men................

Another Good News Story (for 'older' men)

Bruce Willis Marries British Lingerie Model!!!
At 54 years of age, old Brucie has done it again. Obviously he is over Demi Moore (only 8 years his junior) and has now hooked up with Emma Hemming - 24 years his junior. He married the English born La Senza lingrie model in the Carribean recently.
As seen in the photo above she is pretty enough but is she really the marrying material? I mean, what can a young girl her age do to keep old Brucie happy? I don't know what they will talk about in the evenings and their music taste will be way out. I bet nights in their house when they are alone together get very boring. I wouldn't be able to think of anything to do with a girl like that!!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Just when you thought the world was totally mad - something funny pops up to make you smile.

Just when you thought it was all going wrong, someone, somewhere gets it right. But as I say, anything that annoys the Americans has got to be a good thing.

Apparently in Russia they are glad that Obama has been elected Pres in the states. They are using him as an advertising medium

Obama chocolate flavoured ice-cream, Obama tanning salons and Obama teeth whitening treatments to name but a few!!!

"For Russia, this is not racist. It is fun and that's it," said Gubaidullin, creative director at Voskhod advertising agency, based in the Urals Mountains city of Yekaterinburg.

"We don't consider teasing ethnic groups racist. It is just seen as a joke," he said by telephone, adding that he personally liked Obama.

Fritzl Health Spa - now taking bookings for the summer

So Mr Fritzl, you imprison your daughter for 24 years, repeatedly rape her, father seven children with her and murder one of them.

Where do you get sent to serve your life sentence? Josef Fritzl has been allowed to choose where he goes and the 73 year old pervert has chosen Garsten, a former Benedictine convent about 30 minutes’ drive from the house in the provincial town of Amstetten, where he held his daughter Elisabeth prisoner from the age of 18 and sexually abused her an estimated 3,000 times.

In Garsten he will be able to improve his English or study other foreign languages, as well as singing in the choir or training in a gym that is better-equipped than those of many hotels. As an inmate, he will be offered a wide variety of hobbies and entertainment, including tennis, darts and art classes.

It's good if you can get it. Pity most of us 'normal' people can't afford to live the rest of our lives in a similar health spa.

No-one likes Portaloos

A US firm is offering $5,000 (£3,450) for clues leading to the arrest of an arsonist who has been setting portable toilets on fire across San Francisco.

The cost of the damage has been estimated at $50,000. The Clorox Company is sending out a team to advertise its offer to locals.
The patrol service is "a crappy job, but somebody's got to do it", joked a company spokesman.

Personally I hate the things but they are slightly better than a hole in the ground. Apparently he/she has set fire to 24 of them so far. I wonder if he/she has been on an Op tour recently.

22nd March - Jade Goody is dead

Well I have to say that I feel sorry for Jade Goody and her family but I also have to say that the media hype over the short battle against cancer by Goody has left me speechless.

Who was Jade Goody? Well she was an overweight, loud mouthed Chav who was made famous after making herself look a complete idiot on the popular (amongst imbeciles) TV unreality show, 'Big Brother'.

The fact that she was diagnosed with cancer and died very shortly afterwards is sad but is it really either sad or news for the whole of Great Britain? You would think so, her dying days got more press coverage than the two soldiers murdered in Northern Ireland, more than the eight soldiers blown up or shot dead in Afghanistan since she was diagnosed.

Does anyone, anyone with half a brain I mean, really care if this waste of oxygen has died? I know I don't. There are far more important things going on that affect us a lot more than this no-body dying.

'Wanted' advert banned

A new advert for the Angelina Jolie film 'Wanted' has been banned as it is claimed it glamorises violence. It depicted Jolie firing a gun at a camera.

The advert also showed Jolie kissing her co-star.

The Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) ruled the advert gave the overall impression "that using guns was sexy and glamorous" and breached the code for television. "We concluded the ad could be seen to condone violence by glorifying or glamorising the use of guns," its adjudication said.

Wow, what is the world coming to!!!!!

Lambeth Council gives list of empty homes to squatters

Considering the state of the country and the high number of houses being repossessed due to the credit crunch, you would think that councils would ensure they had decent housing available for upstanding, working people. No, not in Lambeth.

Critics have accused the Lambeth Council in south London of "incompetence" in the way it handled the request from The Advisory Service for Squatters submitted in September last year, demanding a list of all its empty homes. Lib Dem opposition leader, Councillor Ashley Lumsden, said a senior council source told him it was because of "a grave error" by housing officers in publishing a list of all its properties in the appendix of a council document.

But the council said a legal precedent set by another council meant it had to hand over the details, even though officers feared it would potentially lead to a marked rise in squatting in the borough.

The council has struggled with squatters in recent years. An entire estate, Limerick Court, on the border of Streatham and Balham was squatted by more than a hundred people for six months until their eviction last summer.

Polish shop would not serve her because she is English

Kaley Leighton, 17, from Goole, East Yorks, was refused service at a newly opened Polish shop in her home town because she is 'English'. Kaley had gone into the shop to buy a drink when a man approached her.

“Whilst I was in there looking at the drinks the man working in the shop came over and asked me if I was English.
“When I said I was he said to me ‘Get out of my shop’ twice. I didn’t know what to do because I was on my own.
“I just said ‘OK’ and left. I felt angry, upset and embarrassed and couldn’t believe what had happened.”

Sacked for expecting British citizens to speak English

Sri-Lankan-born Deva Kumarasiri was sacked this week from his job as a Postmaster in Nottingham. Mr Kumarasiri was sacked because he refused to serve customers who could not speak English. They did, he explained hold up queues and he told them either to learn the language or come back with in interpreter.

Mr Kumarasiri said, "It is just common sense," he said. "If these people are coming into our country they should practice our language and culture.
"As far as I am concerned, if you can't be British you should go home."

Freedom of choice in the UK

We are lucky in the UK to live in a democracy and have the freedom of both speech and to be able to join any political party we wish without fear of intimidation by the state.

PC Steve Bettley of Merseyside Police however was not allowed this freedom. He joined the legitimate political party 'The British Nationalist Party' and was sacked this week (March 2009) because of it despite his bosses agreeing that he had never shown any racist or discrimatory behaviour.

Whether you agree with the BNP or not, surely it should be an individual's choice whether or not to follow them.